Those Light Bulb Moments

You know those moments when something just clicks?  Something that has been a problem for awhile just comes to you and you finally get it? You have a light bulb moment in your head!

This happened to me a few weeks ago and I have to say, I am so thankful it finally clicked.  Over the last two and a half years I was in counselling to help with sever depression and anxiety.  I went on average about every week for an hour.  I had a lot of stuff that I needed to talk through and I am grateful for all the work my counselor put in with me.

During that two and half year stretch, I analyzed every part of my life.  I talked and talked and talked.  Explaining why I felt a certain way in different situations, why my marriage had fallen apart, getting to the root of my anxiety, why I think people felt a certain way towards me and other issues.  These sessions were much needed and I am 100% in a better place because of it.

What was the problem then?

I didn’t notice it when I finally stopped going to counselling, but in the last year I have continued to over analyze everything and over communicate everything.  It is almost like it became a habit.  I was so used to sharing everything and breaking down every situation piece by piece.

Late nights in bed dwelling on things that happened at work, buying a new condo, studying, applying for a new job, relationships.  All of it.  All the time. Think think think.

It wasn’t until about a month ago that I had a catch up conversation with my counselor.  I was calling to thank her for helping me with my anxiety issues and then we got to talking about some other topics.  I asked about this over analyzing and over communicating concern and our discussion really cleared my head.  She basically reinforced that I no longer need to worry about doing that.  That was for counselling session, not every day life.

Of course there are times when you need to think something through or have a good deep conversation about whatever with somebody but constantly doing it is actually detrimental.

A friend of mind even pointed it out to me.  I needed to hear the strong words she shared with me.  I was dragging on issues that were not even that big a deal but I was in such a habit of analyzing everything, I created problems were none really existed.  And in doing so, I kept bring them up over and over.  Needless to say, this totally exhausted her patience with me.

aha

AHA!

When it all kind of hit me, it became so very clear.  Sometimes I just need to let things go and carry on.  I don’t need to break down every situation like I am in a session.  I don’t need to keep trying to explain myself to people…chances are they understood what I meant the first time.

Since that day, I feel so much better.  If something has happened (like not getting a job I hoped I would get), I debriefed that night to see where I might do better next time, and left it.

Breaking a habit will take some time but it is so much better recognizing a weakness and being able to fix it.  I have been able to catch myself and shift my thoughts to something else.

I am accountable for my actions and I may have ruined a good friendship(s) because of them.  In the end though, I can only continue to work on myself and get better each day.

Anxiety and depression are no longer a major issue for me.  The counselling and other areas of work paid off.  It is a great feeling when life becomes just that much more clear.