You know those moments when something just clicks? Something that has been a problem for awhile just comes to you and you finally get it? You have a light bulb moment in your head!
This happened to me a few weeks ago and I have to say, I am so thankful it finally clicked. Over the last two and a half years I was in counselling to help with sever depression and anxiety. I went on average about every week for an hour. I had a lot of stuff that I needed to talk through and I am grateful for all the work my counselor put in with me.
During that two and half year stretch, I analyzed every part of my life. I talked and talked and talked. Explaining why I felt a certain way in different situations, why my marriage had fallen apart, getting to the root of my anxiety, why I think people felt a certain way towards me and other issues. These sessions were much needed and I am 100% in a better place because of it.
What was the problem then?
I didn’t notice it when I finally stopped going to counselling, but in the last year I have continued to over analyze everything and over communicate everything. It is almost like it became a habit. I was so used to sharing everything and breaking down every situation piece by piece.
Late nights in bed dwelling on things that happened at work, buying a new condo, studying, applying for a new job, relationships. All of it. All the time. Think think think.
It wasn’t until about a month ago that I had a catch up conversation with my counselor. I was calling to thank her for helping me with my anxiety issues and then we got to talking about some other topics. I asked about this over analyzing and over communicating concern and our discussion really cleared my head. She basically reinforced that I no longer need to worry about doing that. That was for counselling session, not every day life.
Of course there are times when you need to think something through or have a good deep conversation about whatever with somebody but constantly doing it is actually detrimental.
A friend of mind even pointed it out to me. I needed to hear the strong words she shared with me. I was dragging on issues that were not even that big a deal but I was in such a habit of analyzing everything, I created problems were none really existed. And in doing so, I kept bring them up over and over. Needless to say, this totally exhausted her patience with me.
When it all kind of hit me, it became so very clear. Sometimes I just need to let things go and carry on. I don’t need to break down every situation like I am in a session. I don’t need to keep trying to explain myself to people…chances are they understood what I meant the first time.
Since that day, I feel so much better. If something has happened (like not getting a job I hoped I would get), I debriefed that night to see where I might do better next time, and left it.
Breaking a habit will take some time but it is so much better recognizing a weakness and being able to fix it. I have been able to catch myself and shift my thoughts to something else.
I am accountable for my actions and I may have ruined a good friendship(s) because of them. In the end though, I can only continue to work on myself and get better each day.
Anxiety and depression are no longer a major issue for me. The counselling and other areas of work paid off. It is a great feeling when life becomes just that much more clear.